This evening I went out to my mom's to help with prep for the Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. We made the lettuce salad, the coleslaw and the stuffing. The potatoes, carrots and squash are peeled. The turkey is thawed, seasoned and sitting in the Nesco waiting to be cooked. The same with the ham. Everything is in the fridge (or in the cold porch) waiting to be cooked and devoured tomorrow. While my immediate family is small, out extended family gets a bit larger.

The best thing we made tonight was Kuchen. Kuchen, if memory serves, is German for bread. For us it is a potato based sweet yeast bread from a recipe that is found in the Women's Alliance Cookbook published in 1924. It is beyond awesome. First of all, any recipe for the 1920's is always fun to use. You almost have to be psychic to figure out the recipe and then there's the fact that the recipe has built in flexibility for possible lack of ingredients. I'll get an exact copy of it and post it sometime. Second of all, it's something that we've made for as long as I can remember -- first with my grandmother and now with my mother. Third, it's the the most delicious bread you will ever get to eat -- flavorful, light and as close to ambrosia as you will ever get this side of Mt. Olympus.

To make the evening complete, we listened to Christmas music the entire time. This sunday is the start of Advent, so Christmas will be here sooner than later. Besides I completely adore Christmas music and we have so much of it that if we don't start listening to it now, we'll never get through it all.

I adore my horoscope for today:

You may be a contrarian today, doing things your own way just to demonstrate that you're different from everyone else. Normally, you could get a rise out of someone when you do something that seems out-of-the box. Now, however, people look at you with astonishment and admiration, wishing they could get away with such unconventional behavior so easily. But even if it's not as simple as it appears, doing the extra work, at least, sets a wonderful example.

Look!  Permission to be unconventional.  I can get behind that.  I'll point out that while I will buy the "astonishment" part, I doubt that too many people are in the "admiration" mode.  Heh.  I'll take what I can get, though.

Also: 

Hubby was on the news!  He's the good-looking guy with the beard behind the jewelry counter at Sears in this Shop Local news item (about 1:15 in the piece).  Actually, he's in it again after that, too.  Lookin' good!  I so need an icon of him.

And while I'm on the news I want to share this little bit about one of my favorite beers -- The Spotted Cow:  New York authorities confiscate Wis. beer.  Poor New Yorkers, all Spotted Cow-less.

(I'm posting this via email and I'm hoping that it all looks good.  If not, I'll fix it tonight.)

--

There was a bad accident in town here today. The brother of one of Myria's best friends was involved. He was critically hurt and although he's out of surgery, it's still touch and go.

All your thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Thank you.

*Whimper*

Last night's Supernatural is sitting on my DVR.  I've mananged to watch not quite half of it.  Bad things are happening.  Worse things are just about to happen. 

I won't be able to watch the whole thing until Sunday night. 

I know what happens (bare-bones plot wise) but it show is always infinately better than the summary.  This is not good, people.  Not good.

--

I enjoyed the most recent episode of Supernatural, but then it reminded me so strongly of Bimbos of the Death Sun I was bound to like it. Besides I've been to (and loved) conventions like that, it was kind of like old home week.

However, the reactions to this episode have once again demonstrated one thing to me: It's apparent I lack a gender-identification gene. But then I've done the whole self-meta thing in the past about how I don't view female characters in the same way as others do, so I'll just chalk it up to the fact I rarely think like anyone else. And that, quite possibly, I'm not a girl at all. *grin*

I thought there was some good meta in the episode but then I can find meta in any episode. However, since I found a wonderful meta on being a fan and being a hero by fannishliss called "Fannishness and Being the Hero" I will just defer to her greatness. Instead I'll just post my happy *glee*ness. There is meta in my head, but that will have to wait.

( On to the *glee*, cut to spare everyone )

I’ve committed fic. Now I haven’t written anything in almost two years. I used to have a feel for my writing. It used to be that I could tell if something was good or if it wasn’t worth crap. I don’t have that anymore.

So I am posting this here, as a test run. It’s totally not my usual writing, which may be why I can’t judge its quality. I do, however, value the opinion of my flist, so I’m throwing it out to you. It’s a fanfic for Supernatural, so don’t feel obligated to read it, but if you’re so inclined, please let me know what you think.

Title: For the Wicked
Characters: Sam and Dean
Genre: Gen
Spoilers: Set in early 4th season, you need to know what’s gone on before.
Rating: PG-13
Length: 686 words
Disclaimer: Fanfic

( The first night is easy. )

Just got back from the musical 1776, as put on by the Wausau Community Theatre. It was totally awesome and I now have a mad crush on the character of John Adams. This information I'm not sharing with my daughter because he was played by her music teacher. *grin* It is a completely wonderful musical and everyone did a terrific job in it.

Now, in just under an hour I get to head out to the Merrill High School production of "Curse of the Bard". Myr didn't try out for any parts, but she is backstage crew. Today is the final performance and I better see one of them.

It's been a very artsy day.

Life rocks.

I made a new icon! Yay, me.

So after trying Graphic Converter on the advice of finabair, I broke down and downloaded Photoshop Elements on Myr’s computer. Elements wins, hands down. Granted it may be because I’ve been using Photoshop for years and years and know it inside out, whereas I’ve got no clue about Graphic Converter.

But then I really need to have layers and brushes and textures… and I don’t want to have to re-learn everything I know. So I’m going to pony up $80 and get the program. Right now I have a 30-day trial.

Myr’s computer has a much nicer monitor than mine, tho. This icon is a little dark on my machine but it looks terrific on hers. But then, there’s no compensating for monitors.

Anyhow, GIP. And, yes, I am stuck on Supernatural/Dean. Why do you ask?

I used to play poker quite a bit. Not the high-stakes stuff that's popular now (and not strip, either!), but sit-around-the-table, playing-for-quarters dealer’s choice type poker. I've never been good at counting cards, but I'm aware of the odds and I know the basic mechanics of all the games. I've never won big, but I've never lost big, either. If I'm at a casino I play blackjack. With blackjack, if you play the odds and have a good feel for how the deck is turning, you can come out ahead. Blackjack luck tends to run in streaks -- the deck is hot or cold and if you can tailor your bets, you can make it work in your favor.

Texas Hold 'em is very popular right now, and part of the reason it's popular is because it doesn't work that way. Texas Hold 'em turns on luck more than any other game and because the last card (the river) can make a winning hand out of a complete mess. It's a game where playing foolishly is rewarded more often than other games. Because of that it also encourages people to play more foolishly than they normally would.

When you are playing for fun or for low stakes this can make the game irritating and hard to predict. When you are playing for high stakes against professionals, it can make the game all about how well you can read or manipulate the other players.

( Which brings me to last week’s SPN episode )

Just a short thought before the soon to be awesomeness of tonight’s episode.

I really like this icon. OK, I like all my icons, that why I have them, but some of them are looking old and simple. I like what they say and the concept behind them, but I've been itching to redo them. Not replace, but redo. Unfortunately I don't have a graphics program for any of my computers at home that I can use regularly.

I need to reformat the drive on our windows machine and then I can install photoshop again. But what I'd really like to do is get a good copy of photoshop for Myr's Macbook. I know that there are a couple icons I'd use more if I just could make them look cool again. Granted I have close to 40 icon spots open and I could just nab a bunch and use them, but I'm partial to my own icons and have a hard time using other people's icons, even then they seem to be almost exactly what I want.

Yup. No real reason for this post, except I wanted to stare at this icon for a bit.

Heh.  My horror-scope amuses me so:

You may take yourself too seriously today, especially if you are working hard and don't want to be interrupted by frivolous activities. Unfortunately, your commitment to your job can be so overstated that it is counterproductive. It becomes more difficult to stay on point without the support of those around you, so loosen up a bit and focus some of your attention on maintaining healthy relationships at work and at home.

I'm gone in under two months.  Taking my job too seriously is so not on my to-do list.  However, I do have to admit that I do tend to get a little invested in my job.  I could have really used this advice, say, two months ago.  But now it's not really a problem.

__

A philosophy near and dear to my heart – and an integral building block of who I am – is concept of free will. More than anything else it is our choices that define us. And the choices that define us the most are those that are made when it appears we actually have no choice. The concept of free will has its most power in face of the capriciousness of fate or destiny or whatever it is that people are calling the uncontrollable circumstances of life. Even if we can’t choose the path we are on, we can choose how we go down that path.

One of the reasons I love “Supernatural” so much is that it’s all about free will. I know that there are a lot of shows that bandy about the concept of free will. Usually it’s presented as coming-of-age marker or a pseudo-anarchist “screw the establishment” mantra that firmly entrenches our hero as “different”. But instead of just tossing out free will in an “us or them”, fork-in-the-road, “left or right”, or a "do/don't do as you're told" simplicity, Supernatural focuses on the true complexity – the power, the cost, the unpredictability and the necessity – of free will.

( Only partially about Supernatural, no knowledge of the show needed. )

I’ve always believed that it is more important to teach people how to think rather than what to think. It’s how I’ve attempted to raise my child. It is, however, a scary and dangerous thing. Our differing choices of free will could lead us to stand alone and against those we care about. This, again, is something that Supernatural does so well, especially in the last season with the schism that developed between Sam and Dean. People often like to take sides and place blame, as if life is a zero sum game that has a perfect solution that eliminates all the errors and pain. But you can’t. Free will demands that there are errors and pain. In the end, that’s what freedom is. As Dean told Castiel in “Lucifer Rising”: “I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise.”

Granted, our lives rarely (fortunately) have such grand, obvious examples of free will. We rarely get to make grand stands for life and right and good. But I think that all of us, somewhere deep down, want to be able to make that choice. To fight a worthy battle, to choose our own path and to say, “If there is anything worth dying for... this is it.” After all, it’s our choices that makes us truly alive, isn’t it?

This was going to be a short comment, but I got carried away. Which is only fitting because it was supposed to be a light episode and it got carried away, too!

( Here there be spoilers )

Oh. All that off one viewing amid many distractions. I so need to watch the ep again!

Oh. It looks good. YAY!



"Who is Jack Bauer?" Heh. Poor guy. He'll be lucky if Jack doesn't end up killing him at some point. And Jack's last line -- "I hate this place." That so kills me.

I so adore 24!

I have been nothing but positive during this whole "only two more months of my job left" craziness. I've whined here -- but only twice. I've talked about the general insanity of it all at work and how a combination of management and union idiocy is creating a royal FUBAR. In fact, I've championed keeping my position even if I won't be the person in the position because my department is a damn fine department and the cuts in services the loss of my position will cause is untenable.

However, I've found a limit to my empathy. I really don't care that this is making life hell for others. In fact, I think that as screwed up as all of this is, it should make life miserable for everyone else.

The union has a one trump hand of "seniority" and it plays it above competence and skills, so the fact that unqualified, under-skilled people will get a positions solely based on seniority is hardly surprising. And since anyone of higher seniority who is losing their position can keep their county job by bumping into the position of anyone of lower seniority, it should be expected that there will be a rash of untrained and unqualified people in new positions.

Management tried to do an end run around these union rules by eliminating the positions of the people it was laying off. They were hoping that doing it this way there would be no bumping and they could limit union influence by merely shifting any necessary work to other departments and have it fall under the "any other assigned work" part of everyones job description. This meant that the necessity of the job, the value of the services offered or even the amount of actual work the position completed was not of importance. All that mattered was that the person who held that position was lowest on the union totem pole. Brilliant managerial strategy, people! (I don't know this for sure, but at least this way there was some reasoning to it, albeit devious reasoning.) But it seems the problems with the best laid plans of mice and men, also apply to the poorly thought out machinations of management -- and the bumping is starting.

So today, anytime someone complained about any and all of the above and expressed their frustrations on it all... I felt like shouting "Welcome to the Club!". I understand what they are going through and how hard it is, but, damn it, they ought to be going through it. It should be miserable. It should be painful. I'm sorry that it is, but anything else would be a lie. This whole mess couldn't have been handled any worse. Now you have departments sniping at each other. People closing ranks in order to preserve their jobs. People bumping to new positions not because they want the job or can do the job but because they are afraid their positions will be eliminated. Management says nothing except "you're good, but you're out of here." The union just nods and says "It's all fine as long as it's seniority". The County Board is meeting in closed sessions and seems content to let non-elected officials write the script.

So, yeah, I'm not all that upset watching this turn into a giant train wreck. Because that's what it is. Right now, I'm tempted to make popcorn and sell tickets.

I have no answer to this. I can't think of one person who would qualify as having hurt me enough to fit the bill. Quite honestly, all the most traumatic and hurtful moments in my life came from me, things I did or situations that I allowed myself to become involved in. It's hard to confront people about something that is ultimately my responsibility.

I am also a very private and reserved person, especially when it comes to forming relationships. I don't allow people to get close to me easily. There is only a handful of people in my life that are close enough to me to hurt me the way that would qualify for the question. None of the people who I have ever allowed to get close to me have ever betrayed that trust.

So... bought a new computer for my daughter.

Right now she is using the built in web-cam as a mirror to help her as she does her hair. It's nice to know $1200+ is put to good use.

I love the kid. She constantly amuses me.

So, I'm losing my job in two months. I'm trying to come to terms with that. Trying not to obsess about the poor economy, the lack of jobs in my little town, any of the usual paranoia that comes with unemployment.

I have learned one thing, though. I really hate sympathy. I'm so tired of people telling me that they're so sorry that I'm losing my job. I don't want to hear one more person say that the county is really hurting itself by laying me off. I'm sick of people saying that its "unfair" or "wrong". And I am really, really sick of people complementing me on how "professionally" I'm handling all this.

I don't want to be professional. I don't want to be understood. I don't want people to be sorry. Because it's all a load of crap. It doesn't change anything. My ego doesn't need to be massaged with false praise. The county is going to be just fine without me. It may not have been what I wanted to hear but my union rep was right when she said that anyone in the union rank and file could do my job with a little training time. Don't get me wrong, I'm damn good at what I do, but the county can do just fine without me. Things can go back to the way they were two years ago and the world will go on. This is the county we're talking about. They don't have to worry about being better than anyone or competing with anyone else. Quality really doesn't factor into anything. Maybe the county will lose something when I'm gone, maybe I do contribute something that no one else can replicate, but bottom line is -- it doesn't matter.

I'm not sure what I want. My co-worker said that sympathy is better than being told that I shouldn't let the door hit me on the way out. Perhaps she's right. But I don't really see a difference. Sure the references will be nice, but I don't see any jobs out there that I'll need references for.

I don't want people to think I'm good or special or professional. I’m just doing my job. All that praise and sympathy would be nice, you know, if it mattered at all.

Enough with the pity party. My next post will be Supernatural Meta, I promise.

Some quick thoughts before tonight's new Supernatural episode. For the record, this covers more than last weeks show.

Dean continues to be afraid of everything he investigates. He continues to show fear in equal part with defiance when he faces down the demons or angels or mob of Crotes. This is my favorite Dean trait. Well, one of them.

Lucifer in Sam? Unbelievable. Jared Padalecki continually amazes me. The changes in character and style from first season to this? Incredible.

I love the fact that Dean wants to make change with his relationship with Sam, but I don't think he has any idea on how to change. Dean has only ever been one thing all his life, he has no clue on how to be different. I don't think Dean has ever been anything other than Dean (short stint as brain washed office-drone not withstanding).

Castiel continues to rock. He is totally and completely awesome. Even drugged out, faithless future Cass was wonderful (albeit painful).

The end of last week's "Soon" preview with Sam channeling Horatio Caine? Heh. That so kills me. See my above point on the awesomeness of Jared.

I adore the writing in this show. The fact that Dean completely regressed to season 1 and 2 behavior -- leaving all the research to Sam, hitting on the girls and drinking while Sam worked, laying down the "I'm oldest and we'll do what I say" law-of-Dean -- is dead-on in character. It goes back to my earlier point of Dean not having a clue how to change, even though he knows he has to.

"Who would have thought killing Lilith would've been a bad thing?" THANK YOU! It's about time this was pointed out. It's about time they moved beyond blame. The guys are just pawns in a grand chess game and it's about time they realized that you can't be responsible for things you know nothing about and have no control over.

I still am in need of Supernatural iconage.

I so totally rock at my job.  And those idiots upstairs are letting me go.

They suck.

Just had to share.

--